Somebody's Mom

when I was pregnant I remember thinking, "I can't believe I'm going to be somebody's mom". Thinking of my own mother, she was always just "mom". I never knew her before as a person, so I guess I just always assumed she was always a mom and no one else. Never a person of her own. But for me, I have lived 32 years as my own person and then one day I was given a new hat to wear with the inscription "MOM".

So now I am Colton's mom and he'll never know me as anything else. And I think that's pretty fantastic, but when I sit and think about it for too long, I realize that it comes with a lot of pressure. I don't stress about it too much, because it's enough to make me crazy. But it's like all the good I've done in my life I need to pull all together to show him. To teach him and lead him in the right direction. I guess so far in his short 8 months of life both Jason and I have started him out right by just loving him as much as we possibly can. And loving each other matters a lot too. So, Colton if someday you are reading this, I'm glad you chose me to be your mom and I hope you think I've done a good job. Every day I hold you and think that I am so happy that I had you.

I've created a monster!

As some of you have heard me complain, Colton is not a good napper. I'll give credit where credit is due, he goes down at 6 pm without fussing and sleeps through the night until around 7, getting up only once to eat. Naps are another story. He goes down around 9 or 9:30 for a half hour (his usual cat nap), but any nap thereafter is a battle. And actually, that morning nap is turning out to be not easy anymore. It goes like this: He gets sleepy, I carry him upstairs and lay him in his crib, turn on the mobile and instantly the crying starts. I gently plead with him to go to sleep and he calms down a little so I leave the room. After a few minutes, sheer hysteria breaks out. I go back in his room, sometimes pick him up, sometimes just try to calm him. More crying. I leave the room. This goes on for about 15-20 minutes. Then about the 4th time I give up, I get him out of his crib, dry off his tear soaked face and take him into mine and Jason's bedroom, lay down with him and nurse him which takes only about 2 minutes for him to fall asleep. It's gotten to the point now, that if I take too long to get ready to lay down, he gets mad and yells out. He is literally bossing me around! So, I've created a monster. It's my fault, I've given in to him and let him have his way. It started way back when I was still sleep deprived myself and would nap with him, now it's his favorite way to nap. It's actually nice to snuggle with him and have that quiet time with him, but I know if it continues I will have a preschooler that will have to have him mommy come to class at naptime to lay with him on his mat to nurse him.

Jason is always at work when this drama goes on. He usually calls me from work and asks, "How's is going?" and I always have the same answer. My mom was visiting the last couple of weeks and saw the nap drama first hand.

So this morning I had to run an errand that took me a couple of hours. I came home around 11:30 and it was quiet.

me: Is Colton asleep?

Jason: Yes.

me: How did you get him to nap?

Jason: I laid him in his crib.

me: Did he fuss?

Jason: no.

me: (Grrrrrr...)

Later that day it was time for another nap. I asked Jason to put him down and he did, just like that. That little boy has his mommy wrapped around his tiny finger.

P.S. Colton is 6.5 months old. 18.5 pounds and 27 1/4 inches.

Raising a Boy

"A young boy doesn't come with instructions. He just comes with boundless love and an adventurous spirit. But the journey to manhood begins very early...the first time he looks at his dad and thinks, 'I want to be like him'" - Harry Harrison author of Life Lessons on Raising a Boy

Before Colton was born, I knew Jason would be a great father by the way he treated me. He is kind, caring, compassionate, responsible, sincere, and most imporatnt, has the kind of morals, respect and integrity that I have learned are the pinacle of life. He's not perfect, nor would I want him to be, but he knows his flaws and accepts them and tries to fix them when he can.

When I was pregnant we saw a little boy in the neighborhood riding his bike on the sidewalk. He had hit the breaks and turned around to look at the ground. Jason , with a big smile on his face, mentioned that he used to do the same thing as a child. I had no idea even what the little boy was doing and he told me that he had looked behind him to check out his skidmark on the sidewalk from his bike. I remember thinking how happy and blessed I was to have him in my life...to show Colton all the "boy" things that I had no idea about. To teach him how to treat girls (and to tell him he doesn't understand them sometimes either, even as a grown-up), how to pee standing up, how to spit, to be there at his sports games when Colton says, "Dad, did you see me?", and over the years to teach him how to be a good man. So, thank you Jason, you mean more to me now that ever. I love you.

Time

I think when a child is born a switch is flipped to make the passage of time even faster. Colton's 6 month birthday past this week and I have never experienced a faster time lapse than the last 6 months. Granted, the first 8 weeks or so seemed to drag with the endless feedings and sleepless nights, but that quickly faded away and suddenly we find ourselves looking towards his first birthday this summer.

I also find myself thinking about the "next step". Now that he sits up, when will he crawl? Will he walk soon after? When can I give him table food? I recently heard a quote that went something like, "The greatest accomplishments in life are in the experiences in getting there, not the accomplishment itself". I think about that sometimes....the little moments that mean more than the big milestones. When I ask him for a kiss and he leans forward and plants a slobbery mess on my chin.Or when I am putting him to bed, instead of laying him down right away after he eats, I bask in the sweetness of him laying his head down on my shoulder for a few minutes. I'll take those moments any day and ask time to stand still.

Things I cared about B.C. (Before Colton)

I was looking through some old pictures of me from before I had Colton. This one was taken in May, 2006. I thought, "Hmmm, look at me with my lip gloss and perfect hair. I bet I even have shaved legs." I decided to compile a list of things that mattered to me then, that are not so important now that I have an infant.

1. 1. Make-up: Every morning my son is nice enough to sit in his swing in the bathroom and wait while I shower. I have about 15 minutes maximum to finish. That includes getting dressed, everything. So the last thing I do is decide if I will put on mascara. Just mascara. I think about the end of the day when I am getting ready for bed and I think, "Ugh. Do I really want to have to get out a cotton ball and the make-up remover to take it off before I go to bed?" No. So...mascara is usually a no.
2. Washing my hair: I have convinced myself that my hair is more manageable if it is dirty. Enough said.
3. Clothes: Just last week I realized that I was wearing the same 4 t-shirts in rotation. Two black and two white. And the same 3 pairs of jeans. Gone are the days of planning outfits for the weekend schananagins.
4. Shaving my legs and other parts: Ummm....yeah.
5. Hair color: I used to spend a lot of money and time in the salon getting my hair highlighted. This morning I used the tweezers to pull out 4 or 5 gray hairs. This battle is useless. They are winning.
6. Being tan: Again, money and time on either laying in the sun or having it sprayed on like Earl Sheib. Now, if I am in shorts people think I have on white hose.
7. Smelling good: I have more great smelling lotions than I know what to do with that are collecting dust! Now my scent is, "Eau de spit-up"
8. Earrings and other accessories: Earrings are just another step in my routine that is a waste and a necklace Colton will jsut grab and try to eat anyway. And purses? What's that? Does my diaper bag match my shoes???

My point is that my life has changed in so many ways and I wouldn't change it for anything. So what if I find an unknown crusty substance stuck to my arm after I go to bed. He's all worth it. He doesn't care that I have grey hairs and no make up and wore the same thing twice this week. And the spit up smell I'm sure he likes.

Big Decisions

Dear Colton,

Tomorrow you are 5 months old. Every day your daddy and me learn a little more about you and try to decide what the best things are for you. Right now many parents have the tough decision about weather or not to vaccinate their babies. When I was little there was hardly any question about it...I assume the moms and dads that decided not to immunize were called "hippies". But now there is a big debate and I go back and forth.

Soon you will be ready for solid foods and I have been thinking about making your baby food instead of buying it. Right now your nanna and grandma Debbie are reading this and rolling their eyes. But I figure since your daddy works hard enough to allow me to stay home with you, why not give it a try. I'm sure the first time I get carrots sprayed all over me from the food processor I will say some bad words you shouldn't hear and I will give up, but at least I tried. Stay tuned.

I guess my point is that these first couple of years are so important and we want you to know how much you are loved. We may make the wrong decisions sometimes but we try our best.

Yesterday I took you to the pediatrician and asked him a bunch of questions about how much you should be nursing, how much you should be sleeping, how do I give you rice cereal and if he could see your teeth coming soon. You were your charming self and the doctor was enamored by you. So at the end of the appointment I realized that I had paid a $15 co-pay to listen to myself talk and have the doctor play with you. But your dad reminded me that all of those things we are probably doing right and I am worrying for nothing (big sigh). With that, I decided to stop worrying and enjoy you every second. And I do.

Love,

Mommy

Mr Cheeks

I was thinking about my nephew turning 12 last month and that I can't believe how fast the time goes. I remember when he was born and was under 6 pounds and how tiny he was. When Colton was born he was so easy to carry around...fast forward almost 5 months and now the little man is about 17 pounds. Doing some quick math in my head (okay, I used a calculator), I figured out that if Colton continued to gain weight at the rate he has the last 5 months, when he is 16 he will weigh roughly 900 pounds. Hopefully by then I will be done breastfeeding. He's a great eater...he doesn't care where we are, what time it is, or even if he ate 20 minutes ago, he'll eat again.

I used to think moms that nursed their babies until they were more than a year old were wierd, now I add that to the list of judgements I had about parents before I had a child of my own. I'm not saying I will do it, but I can understand why.